Third night on Viibryd 40 MG. Began dozing off. Hallucinated a flaming forest as if lucid dreaming around 9 p.m. Shit myself. Barfed orange slushy chunks. "Coleman sweetie baby are you okay?" my gf asked from outside the shower. Had to throw out my favorite pair of gray pants. Took a shower. About 30 minutes later my body felt like ecstasy. Felt so clean except became self conscious after watching porn. Ate peanut butter filled pretzel nuggets then wrote this poem:
Five flaming oak trees
stiffen toward the boy blue sky.
Their trunks lean like naked men
in a locker room.
Each branch varies in length
shape and size.
Each leaf is an averted eye.
Penis envy always
makes the world its mirror
but I consider the birds.
Most birds have a cloaca.
I am lucky I have a penis.
My penis is around six inches.
I googled it ashamed but
I'm above average.
It's this spear I use as
some skinny divining rod
stumbling through the world soft
yet feeling it hang low
like my head in cold cold hands.
Began to cry. Asked myself why getting better was so hard but had already quenched that old need to flip the lightswitch 11 times before bed. OCD. "Coleman babe how are you feeling?" In the bed this time. "I'm okay" I said. Ran to the toilet. Made it. Began dozing off. Hallucinated my father running toward me naked blood covered with a chainsaw coming out of his face as if lucid dreaming. Ran away becoming a white tailed deer. Had been watching too much anime I guess. Knocking on the door.
"Coleman Coleman Coleman???" "I'm fine dude!" Barfed brown dry chunks. All the pretzel salt felt like glass in my throat. Began dozing off. Dreamed I was chasing that huge scarred Persian guy from the 300 movie but I had a bigger sword the biggest sword. It was amazing OH MY GOD. Even had wings made of leather. Woke up in bed around 6 a.m. Took a shower. Walked outside in a towel. Sat in the cold wet grass feeling so clean. Ate more pretzel nuggets about an hour later but didn't throw up that time. Drank three cups of water back to back. My OCD is almost a memory. Haven't had a lightswitching compulsion since.
