Love Spells

1.  I’m not allowed to kiss anyone no matter how much I love you
2.  I cannot utter your name at the foot of my bed
3.  I have lost the right to be touched

This is the only way I can get clean. I just wish my last breath was the inhale before our first kiss. That way I could die before ever knowing your grip. I know how to ignore my body because I’ve done it before. You taught me. It’s easy when I remember how strong you are when you’re mad or bored or horny. I can become whole from the waist down. When the beat between my legs spells out your name. I can beg forgiveness. And forget again. 

When you rearrange my insides you leave me for dead. I crave you in my body from the heart down. When you tell me I’m your girl I feel shiny and golden like a trophy. Like stolen goods. Like I’ve been robbed. You are the only man who can do this to me. The only one who can make me feel like something worth holding on to. When you call me yours, I want you to mean it.

There’s something evil in the way you kiss me. I can feel you pulling back your teeth. Like you want to devour me and take me inside you. I still wish you would. I want to feel you sink into my bare flesh. Tell me all the ways I taste sweet. Wrap your arms around me. And make it tight. Hold this dying thing in your arms. Because it’s evil not to. 

We never shared breath, just spit. We both know that’s all you can give. And all I’m worth. Or maybe it’s all I can take. But I want a baby and violence. I want something to share. Maybe that’s why you never let me spend the night. Our love is cruel and delicious but it’s mine. 

Everything in here lacks you. I need you in my room telling stories. Let me in. Let me down. Again. Clear a space for the slut you need me to be. I promise I’ll walk home barefoot. I know the trail in the mud. I know broken glass in my soles. It’s a loop. And one day I will walk off the ledge. And what will you have to say then? What will be yours? You will have it all.