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Fine Line, Harry Styles photo

Fine Line
Harry Styles
Released: December 13, 2019
Label: Columbia and Erskine
Length: 46 minutes, 12 songs


My review is best summed up by alternative titles for each track because this is what each song truly says to me.

1. “Golden” OR “Tone Your Hair Please. It Looks So Brassy That I Must Put on Sunglasses”

2. “Watermelon Sugar” OR “The List For Food-Related Female Genitalia Slang Continues”

3. “Adore You” OR “Fire Doesn’t Scare Me OUCH THAT’S HOT! Because You’re So Hot”

4. “Lights Up” OR “I Can See the Light and the Light is Queerness”

5. “Cherry” OR “I Swear To God If You Call Your Billionaire Boyfriend a Pet Name One More Time I’m Stealing Every Last One of Your Friends” (feat. French Montana)

6. “Falling” OR “My Limbs are Clumsy and I Have Poor Motor Skills, But My Heart is The Messiest Bitch”

7. “To Be So Lonely” OR “Strum That Guitar, Brother. I Want To Talk About How I’m Such a Cocky Little Wanker”

8. “She” OR “I Can’t Find My Wife Who I Haven’t Met Yet So I’m Going To Yell ‘She’ At The Top of My Lungs for Six Minutes Straight”

9. “Sunflower, Vol. 6” OR “Mushrooms Are Great, My Dude” (Feat. Mr. Krab’s Saying “Beep Boop Bop”)

10. “Canyon Moon” OR “Sometimes I Just Want To Yee Haw”

11. “Treat People With Kindness” OR “Everybody Up On Your Feet! Who Cares If Death is Around the Corner? I Can Shake My Ass Like No Other”

12. “Fine Line” OR “Dear the Rest of One Direction, I’m Better Than You. This Whole Album Proves That. Love, H”

Yes, I did just lovingly roast my celebrity crush.


Drink of choice: Cut a watermelon in half, remove the pink flesh, and fill it to the top with tequila. That or straight vodka because you may be in your feelings by Track #5


image: Brianna Schullo