though often
linked because
those who live
by its teachings
carry complex
pieces of metal
used to kill
there are no guns
in the Bible
there are
some swords
pointless deaths
reverse crucifixions
eternal damnation
a flood
beheaded cousins
tons of incest
both good and bad
but at no point
does God say
to a golden calf
“eat lead bitch”
on the 8th day
he doesn’t
invent Smith
or Wesson
or Remington
or Winchester
it’s Adam and Eve
not Kalashnikov and Stoner
in the Bible
when Moses casts
down his staff
it doesn’t
become a six shooter
Pharaoh never
makes his sorcerers
turn their rods into
more fucking guns
the Bible is
mostly uninteresting
and what you expect
especially the parts
about marriage
and sex and sin
all the verses
public figures
use to trash
how and who people fuck
are boring
the Bible should
get its shit together
there should be
better laws
inspired by
Biblical stories
like no one should
go to jail for killing
their brother
if God loves him more
or luxury condos
must be built
to tabernacle standards
or full stops
should be outlawed
in favor of ands
and all narcs
must be paid in silver
and when a new law is passed
politicians have to wash their hands
clean of the old way of life
and I forget my point.
I’m saying what if
the Bible had guns
the New Testament
could be less about
Jesus’ restorative love
for humanity and more
about shooting a fucking gun
that’s how he fed the multitudes
he mounted a .50 caliber Browning
to a rock in Bethsaida
and held the 5000 hostage
“don’t call the cops”
Jesus told them
“ACAB” he said
with the machine gun pointed
at their collective head
“here’s what we’re going to say”
it’s a miracle
they all listened
Jesus spent two days
oiling his .357 Magnum
before finding Lazarus
in Bethany and shooting
the sickness out of his sleepy ass
all of that and more and
Thomas still says, “I need to see
those bullet holes J-man”
and Big J was like, “I have felt
the wrath of God’s gun barrel
put your hand here and believe”
and Thomas felt Jesus’ hands
and they were hot
“ow fuck they’re hot”
and Jesus agreed that it was so
“that’s what I told you, dude”
and I guess just to wrap it up
the Bible could end
with letters
to groups of people
who preferred sabers
or verbal de-escalation
or some other dumb shit
over a scalding hot
big veiny gun
signed XOXOXO
with Xs of shotgun
double barrels crossed
and Os of targets on
the backs of non believers
that’s a Bible I would read
and I did try to read
the normal boring gunless Bible
to see if it ever got good
or to see if I could feel God
maybe enough to want a different kind of gun
but the Bible never gets good
there’s so much nothing
then the nothing repeats seven times
which doesn’t prove anything
it doesn’t mean God isn’t real
or Christians are braindead
or “Science and Liberalism”
are the only commendable social tenets
it just means the Bible is boring
and I’m asking what if it wasn’t?
because I need the Bible to be more interesting
because I don’t want the most memorable
part of this poem to be
Stephen Willeford, on November 5, 2017,
chasing Devin Patrick Kelley
through Texas with an AR-15
after Kelley killed 26 members
of the Sutherland Springs First Baptist Church
because if the Bible was more interesting
I could wrap my head around
a Texas gun club thanking Willeford
with a brand new AR-15
inscribed:
“He is God’s servant
for your good. But
if you do wrong, be afraid,
he does not bear
the sword in vain.
He is the servant of God,
an avenger who carries out
God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.”
or if there were guns in the Bible
it might explain the difference between
Devin Patrick Kelley’s Ruger AR-556
and Stephen Willeford’s AR-15
when did one become an avenger
and the other a wrongdoer
and is God’s biggest complaint
that Kelley murdered those people in vain
and how can a guy
not naming names
looking to buy a gun
know which models
have the correct type of wrath
but the Bible is a boring book
written before the invention
of tragic irony and
like almost everything else
it’s just a metaphor
about being terrified
* * *
God is a gun that gets you into heaven and Jesus is a gun you never have to shoot and the Bible is a gun safe shaped like a gun shooting gun shaped bullets that make people less evil or more evil depending on who gets shot and a church is a type of shooting range and I’m starting to get it now
