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devotional after alejandra pizarnik photo

oh longed-for, awaited beloved. she says my name
        wrong and makes me come hard. i catalog
lovers like this, coins in kitchen water. six years on,
         type thirsty into google translate and feel almost nothing.

some death, the mistranslation of need. in my third or fourth iteration,
        somewhere near my saturn return i can’t let go: despite it all,
i want to be your midwest boyfriend.
         will you tell me what to do?
will you buy in to me
        coming at you in my best and breezing flannel
bare chested and soft handed, grazing my hands
        across the wind and corn can you see it?
me, on the cover of esquire, perched on a ’97 chevy just so
        ready to help you change your tire, me, on the cover
of vogue, blooming in a bearish kind of way that makes
        all the girls at north ridge high sigh
                                                                          don’t you love how she leans?

have i stranged? consider the coolness of a resurrection
        in language, my love, for what the word swallow does to
mouths, makes us reach for each thing behind the light
        all peaks in the back of wanting—I am a beast of desire.
are you a place i can live in my tallest body
       on either side of an ocean, my name
singing from your highs, all whole.


image: Dorothy Chan