Posts by Joseph Horton

July 18, 2022 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: Dad Days of Summer

Joseph Horton

I wish him luck and watch him until he’s halfway around the bowl. There’s something about a chance encounter, especially in baseball, where you don’t want to know too much.

May 27, 2022 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: Cakes and Cats 

Joseph Horton

He’s from Modesto, which is clear without him telling everyone in his row and ours that he’s from Modesto. “Takes me only an hour to get here…because let’s just say…I don’t always drive the speed limit,” he says...

November 26, 2021 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: Grind That Wave 

Joseph Horton

I’ve been told by plenty of people in this first year of parenthood that having a child is like having your heart outside your body. This always sounds to me like a horcrux.

July 15, 2021 | Nonfiction

Dispatches from the Treehouse: Rooting for Oakland 

Joseph Horton

It’s all about the timing


It’s as simple and invasive as a chime on my phone. A banner news alert, which, for most people, involves elections and wars and natural disasters and celebrity

April 9, 2021 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: The Cutout Year 

Joseph Horton

Last year, Tim and I bought cardboard cutouts of ourselves ($129 each, apparently for charity) that watched every Athletics game in the stadium that we could not.

April 1, 2020 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: The Long Season 

Joseph Horton

And by the third inning, it’s really, truly, shittily finished. “They gave us about twenty minutes of thinking we were in it,” Tim says. “Twenty minutes.”

October 2, 2019 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: I Hope Your Parents Are Proud

Joseph Horton

We have not seen Mark for the rest of the season, confirming my steadfast belief that he was either a criminal masquerading as an employee or an employee who was immediately fired once his conduct towards an Access Member and celebrated Hobart columnist was discovered.

July 29, 2019 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: Roots and Barks and Birds (and Elaine)

Joseph Horton

For a moment, regardless of our lives, everything the light touches is warm and friendly, and we are all indeed in the same circle: Access Member Humans who love Access Member Dogs and can put up with their people for three hours because we also love baseball.

July 8, 2019 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: Pride Nights

Joseph Horton

In a long baseball season, there’s always the question of whether any one game matters

May 16, 2019 |

Dispatches from the Treehouse: Tuesday, April 1

Joseph Horton

We’re in line for beer and a guy in a Yankees hat turns to Tim, looks him up and down in his BoSoxery, and asks if he can buy his beers for half-price on our badge.
“Only if you say the Yankees suck,” Tim says.

January 16, 2014 | Fiction


Joseph Horton

You are driving home from a place that makes its own beer, where it seemed wrong to order just a few because this is a small business and small businesses, you know, are failing all over the