As always, New Year’s Eve was a miserable and humiliating experience for me
And as always, my resolution
is to get a Guns N’ Roses tattoo,
only it has to be a tribute to the guy
from the “November Rain” music video who
inexplicably dives through the wedding cake
because that’s my guy.
Living like a crackhead who doesn’t smoke crack may or may not be going okay
To this this day
the best article of clothing
I own is
the faded AC/DC shirt
a guy I knew named “Danarchy”
had found inside a dumpster.
Someone may or may not have once nicknamed me “Slop Bucket” within 30 seconds of meeting me
My ego/self-persecution is such that
when I overheard someone say
“It was an accident” to another person
over the phone, I immediately thought
I was the accident they were referring to.
Anxiety is my forever home
and I’ve just added a new Depression
for you and your family to swim in
To the couple I saw wearing matching Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirts: God bless and keep you
My dream is to be featured
in a prestigious magazine
like Rolling Stone
but only as the dude wearing
a bootleg Sublime shirt
in one of those ads
in the very back.
Wet dream where you go around asking people why they hate you vs. wet dream about being mauled by dogs at Toys ’R Us
“Leave them wanting more” is not only the
first rule of show business but it’s also the
first rule of emotionally damaging someone
for a very long time.