after Ruby/Hilary
For just
fifteen seconds
out of my twenty-
six years living
I imagine
myself
a white woman
bones breaking
in a new way
my Black
fleshy and
ripping apart
my face split
open
body convulsing
and bending
my pain has no end
there’s always dead ends
so I get my hair bone
straight a fresh doobie
Dominican slayed
it often feels like
hilary and ruby
at war in one body
and on the humid days
in Columbia, SC
my curls
fight back
the relaxer
anything but
and frizz makes me
anxious
so do white women
in college
I walked fresh
silk hair across
the stretch of campus
with glass for walls
a friend of mine
waved and said:
you’re looking real
caucausion today
in 2020
my body is
confined
to four walls
my hair
hasn’t been straight
since March
just that one time
imagine me
mad at myself
forcing my way
to a perfection
not my own
like hilary
staring down at that vile
throwing it to the ground
her flesh unfolding
rotting inside out
her blue hue
shining through
ready to be seen
like the moon on
the Blackest nights
like me on wash day
ruby
steps over
the pile of skin
reclaims her
glory
us Black girls
have too much
fire to not
implode
a white woman’s body
a feeble-boned cage
don’t believe
the propaganda
don’t drink
the kool-aid.
