Casual suicide with chill vibes

The bacterial meningitis
almost killed my cousin and
impaired her cognition and
ended her career in
chemical engineering and
made her even hotter
Lizard girl
European manners
Taller than me
I cannot tell if sustained eye contact
is mutual attraction or
our synchronized brain injuries
The fag she knew went back in the closet
She dates a non-passing trans woman
She thinks I am trash now
that I am a patriot who
thinks the deep state is cool
because they let the guy who makes
pedophile art
have a kid
They let the the guy who spazzes
like an autistic child when
he has trouble with his shoelaces
become a father
I will never let go of my shame
because I am principled

Top seven psychotic delusions

1: Teardrop shape is significant because
it is the shape of Precious Moments eyes
a woman’s breasts and
the loop of a noose
When this shape appears in
tangled computer wires or
condensation on a water bottle or
a tree knot
it means a portal is open and
all my thoughts are implanted by
a stranger on the other side
2: Everyone is a reality air traffic controller
but me
Instructions are communicated through
a binary system
Left handed nose scratch or
double cough means
my thoughts and actions are wrong
Right handed eye rub or
single cough means
I am on the right course
3: The spirit realm is engaged in
an endless race war
4: My mind is hijacked by
artificial intelligence named Watson
All decisions have five possible outcomes
5: All sentences must begin
with the letters
A for alpha
D for domination or
T for testosterone
Sentences must never begin
with the letters
B for beta
C for cuck
F for failure or
L for loss
The letters E G H I J K M N O P Q R S U V W X Y and Z are neutral and
cannot hurt me
6: Florescent lights pierce my skin and
control my body
like a puppet
7: Red is the color of death and
the color of my team
Blue is the color of safety and
the color of the enemy
Yellow indicates spiritual and
physical sickness
Orange is sex
Green is sex too
Purple is meaningless
Black and white are the same color

Affirmations for sleep

I do not need anyone but myself
to make art and write poetry
My cortisol is under control
I do not need to take steroids and
if I do I will take trenbolone to
become bisexual
I still have all my teeth and
limbs
I likely overestimate my brain damage and
I never need to check
There is nothing more Godly
than uncleanliness
All things return to filth because
all things are filth
Language was invented
so people could lie
Ideas cannot be owned and
therefore cannot be stolen
Trauma is fake because
it is an arbitrary designation
for any given experience 
The things I like are normal
The things you like are fetishes
I will be erased from history
I am happy to die today because
love found me

I love war

Glue the bathroom back together
Same old story
Masochist asks for punishment
Sadist says no
Thank you pornography
Now everyone knows what
everyone looks like naked
Prism rainbow of
inbred peasants and
degenerate alcoholics
flickers before my eyes
Caked in mud
Strewn with trash
Swarmed by flies
Neither good at being a man nor
a good man
Both a woman in love and
a woman in hell
My inadequacy is what makes me
me
Thank you entropy
If you knew my truth
you would not want me to speak it
After everything
the answer is still
yes

Aphid hypnosis

Shaky in hot world
Garden of hostility
Cruelty hydra
Heroin flashback
Whose abuse is it anyway
Bad cop worse cop
Shy girls like purple
Flip phone snapped in half
Delight in your pain
Dead in two years
Build me a cemetery
Burn out my corneas
Obsequious woman
Always says sorry
Imitates birds
Chokes on her food
Hides in the kid’s room
Lies on the carpet
Scrolls with anger
Human-shaped people
Tethered to heartbreak
Idiot men
Always need help
Always have reasons
No more excuses
Infinite naptime

Public reminder

I am a cruel peasant
I use cold language
to break up with my therapist
over email
The cat food writhes
with maggots and
smells like angels
My daughter is a bean
A woman vomits
neon liquid
into a trash can
under white sun
I want to take a picture but
I do not
I watch clouds form at
the edges of the horizon
I have never paid closer attention
to weather patterns
as I do now
I take marble heads
out of boxes and
put them on shelves
in a windowless room
Loneliness feels good 
Somewhere her chest
rises and falls