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Alternate Endings to Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much” Music Video photo

None of us have The Touch,

Though we have felt The Touch


We are all (all of us

Wearing leopard-print dusters Just once,

I was thirty hands tall (like one whole horse

Standing on the back of another whole horse

Washing the windshield of my father’s eighteen-wheeler

Until I fell from the soapy hood Now, I drive all night

I too am unimpressed (but want badly to be easily awed



Is The Touch a strand of loose hair

That someone brushed away, but the wind

Placed onto my face


My pick-up is the color of a hail stone I’ll drive

You anywhere


Somewhere, someone is testing the germ

Of soybean seeds in a wet towel In a warm kitchen

Somewhere, someone is standing in a field of soybeans,

Breaking off the pods to rub the velvet on their neck Down

The ridge of their nose The Touch can be grown

Some cucumbers in our garden have thorns like rose bushes

They sting so


image: Erik Mclean