The currency of self-loathing is everything you’ve ever said.

The currency of self-loathing is everything you’ve ever said.

Did you know emus have two sets of eyelids? One for blinking, one for dust.

Did you know emus have two sets of eyelids? One for blinking, one for dust.

Everything’s fuzzing in every direction, the flowers and the water and the stars, and the pizza is impossibly good.

Everything’s fuzzing in every direction, the flowers and the water and the stars, and the pizza is impossibly good.

Everything would be fine, sort of, if she could close this deal.

Everything would be fine, sort of, if she could close this deal.

There is a strength of purpose, I suppose, a fortitude and integrity, in simply admitting yourself to be a malevolent presence skulking the dingy alleyways of your own life.

There is a strength of purpose, I suppose, a fortitude and integrity, in simply admitting yourself to be a malevolent presence skulking the dingy alleyways of your own life.

Most of the conversations were boring. Too many back and forths with men she either found only mild to medium attractive or so peculiarly hot that they must be bots. Too many men relating her skin color to some sort of food item.

Most of the conversations were boring. Too many back and forths with men she either found only mild to medium attractive or so peculiarly hot that they must be bots. Too many men relating her skin color to some sort of food item.

He produces a handgun from under the seat, displays it, points it up toward the sunroof.

He produces a handgun from under the seat, displays it, points it up toward the sunroof.

Right away we shared amphetamines. He fed them to me to keep me awake.

Right away we shared amphetamines. He fed them to me to keep me awake.

We were children once, but we aren’t anymore. At least, that’s what Magda says.

We were children once, but we aren’t anymore. At least, that’s what Magda says.

I tell him that next year I may hang myself—that’s the funny thing about life—you never know what it’s going to throw at you.

I tell him that next year I may hang myself—that’s the funny thing about life—you never know what it’s going to throw at you.

I like to hang out with models. Models, like Chip in Rent Boy, understand the “strange desires of men.” They live a life of the body.

I like to hang out with models. Models, like Chip in Rent Boy, understand the “strange desires of men.” They live a life of the body.

S is for sponsor who you really should call.

S is for sponsor who you really should call.

I scrolled through lifeless, overlit live streams as my routine of cycling through the usual forums and apps began. For me, a lot of the attraction came from being able to project my desire onto a performer.