I'm Sorry but Your Childhood Pet Can't Recognize You on FaceTime

people say I move... more

Tori hugged the tree and went home and immediately started petting her dog

Do 4.1% and 103,000 Mean Anything to You? Are you 18-45? You could join our hepatitis vaccine study. *Donations will be... more

I was eating sour widows at the wedding reception when I saw you across the room.

The slow stacking of weight or the flinging down of a toe while the torso is already ahead. There are always new body parts to hit on sides of doors. I like to put my legs into pants in front of an open window, then stick my head out to see who’s around.

The gas station sat on the corner like a tasteless cheeseburger.

Dr. Sandoval asked if I was planning on having children.

O Build-A-Bonfire, O
Blue Subaru

The word that comes to mind is delirium. 

The story is usually backstabbing of some kind.

The old woman takes another bite.

My sister has been reading a lot about her pores lately. At the moderately priced tourist town spa where we've met for the weekend, a commercial for the dual action microdermabrasion brush comes on the television above the hot wax station, and she swears their blackhead diagram is incomplete.

A man’s life reduced to 78 words. You counted.

In my favorite bookstore in a city where I no longer live, there’s a sign for sale that says: when in doubt, turn... more

In the spring of 1989 an asteroid the size of the Empire State Building crossed Earth’s orbit.

Then it came time to open said package of Twizzlers

funny how the stars line up.

It was supposed to be
a joyous thing

She tore off pieces and kept them in her mouth.

It happened at a small party I’d planned at a nightclub in the meatpacking district.

He was taking swigs out of a bottle of Listerine.

1.  My ex-boyfriend got engaged to a girl less than a year after he broke up with me.  We had dinner with her once.  She was a family friend.  She wore hoop earrings and looked like a worst-case scenario Mila Kunis.  I hated her but I didn't know why yet.

Via some prophecy, my son has
reached one half my chronological
age. And there are so many things

he can tell me: when The Macho... more

From the shadow of an oak tree.

Every time they go-cart raced, she beat the living crap out of him.