Two teenagers finish the last apple in the house and then wait for something to say.

"I'm thirsty now," one says.

The other unseals a new milk carton from the fridge.

They both

When one didn’t work, turned to another one. Turned to one who could be spun.

Turned and spun.

That the language of business.

What other language would he—would any of

A little nervous after my 70,000th cup of coffee this lifetime
I was wary of forty-three year olds
(statistically, murderers are on average 7.5 years older than their victims)

though

it was a sort of boring day so me, kate, and david were just drinking and watching daytime television at my mom's house

It was probably 3:3o in the morning and I was wide-awake because of the acid. I was anxious to do something but nothing in particular. I was jittery, lively.

That’s / when the purple doors open into steamy / bathtub of surprise. That’s when there’s / an impossibly-deep Prince breath & then—

There is nothing romantic about being young and dark and confused. Pain is real. It's funny on Twitter but it sucks irl. 

Oliver Reed isn’t wasting any time. He has work to do, and he’ll be god-damned if he’s going to let anybody get in his way. The work, of course, is drinking, and in the Christmas scene from 1975’s

men on trains

A man on the L train says to his friend, "Nothing is more attractive than a woman who admits she's wrong about something." A man on the G train says to his date, "Most

A while ago, I predicted Taylor Swift's career arc, and so far, I'm correct.

and it is always okay to be cruel in the arts, whether people like him are in on it or not, because who cares, internet (hey internet, how do I take a selfie of my fucking concern for others?)

Thank you for agreeing to serve as my culture champion. I appreciate you.

When I was young, I wanted one of those Davy Crockett hats. Because I admire psychopaths.

Shining lights and beautiful balls,
turning night as darkness crawls.

 Shucks, you know the only racism worth a damn comes from poverty. I like Franco when he’s silly.

Defenestrated again. On the way down I regret that it isn’t raining.

PS. I was part of an email the studio campaign in the early 2000s to openly mock the idea of a Dawn of the Dead remake, before remakes were a condition.

I keep waiting for them to say / something the least bit unfamiliar.

One time I was sitting near a row of bushes along the side of the house playing with some toys. Immersed in what I was doing. And a thick river of shit flowed from my asshole.

How was I supposed to know / what to do about every pimply boy wanting to stick his / dick in my mouth?

Age 10: Wrote an essay for school about how I wanted to be a rapper when I grew up. When I got home and told my dad about it he said "Rap for me" then lay in my bed while I rapped "Lose Yourself" by Eminem for him. When I finished he told me I needed to "get into it more, not just stand there with [my] hands in my pockets."

2006 saw the release of World Trade Center and United 93, the first two studio films to use the events of 9/11 as their primary focus. I recall their impending releases at my local movie theatre

By living according to core values, we can carry on daily tasks with conviction. Conserve fossil fuels. Avoid the plastic cycle. Too much looking around can lead to paralysis due to the inevitable sense of unfathomable vastness that makes consciousness feel like an infinitesimal quirk.

Ed's note: This story originally ran on Hobart in 2010. In celebration of the upcoming publication of Andrew Brininstool's book, Crude Sketches Done in Quick Succession, in which this story

Four decades after breaking off our high school romance, we found each other again, I, Phillip, twenty-five years into my second marriage, and I, Lily, divorced.