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November 26, 2015 | Poetry

Three Poems

Hallie Bateman

Three Poems photo

Shark poem

i saw on the today show
a guy lying on a beach
surrounded by paramedics.

the headline read:
“shark attack victim
vows to keep fighting.”

which is… wow.
just let it go, bro.

you have a leg.
the shark has a leg.
it’s even.

 

Snake identification theorem

Some snakes will hurt you
and some of them won’t.
It’s hard to tell them apart.
Just like with people.  

When you meet a snake,
put your hand out like a handshake.
When it bites you,
say “thank you,”
and wait.

Wait a few hours
in a dry, cool place.
Drink some gatorade.
See how you feel.

If you feel good,
it was a good snake.

If you feel bad,
it was a bad snake.

If you feel like a snake,
it was one of those snakes
that turns you into a snake.
 

it’s true I read it on wikipedia

abortion is a non-issue in the bat world.
female bats don’t need to fight
for the right to choose.
they just already have the ability.


when they fuck
they can store the sperm
up in a secret sperm cabinet
and release it
only when conditions are favorable.

such as,
when they need to be pregnant
to convince their bat
boyfriend not to leave them
for a younger, hotter bat.

 

image: Hallie Bateman


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