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April 30, 2014 | BASEBALL, Fiction

You Think You Can Stop Me

Dennis Scott Herbert

You Think You Can Stop Me photo

You Think You Can Stop Me??

You can’t stop me. 

So they don’t let me bring my cooler no more, big deal.  I’ll go to my truck.  Cold beers in my truck, my personal space.  Right there in the parking lot.  This is baseball.  I drink beers at baseball.

You think you can stop my boy?  You can’t stop my boy. 

That long, lanky delivery.  Looping in curveballs from the left side.  Your boys ain’t never ever seen that junk.  Learned it from his old man.  Listen to that leather pop.

Look who’s got the ball.  You see that kid on the mound?  That’s me.  He came out of me.  That’s my essence.  Ain’t none of your boys gonna touch his stuff.  He’ll whiff ‘em all.

Listen up, I’m taking any and all wagers.  Step to me and make a bet.  We’re going ten to one odds, little league baseball.

I’ll say my boy Jr. there and his team will beat all your boys.

Place your bets, place your bets, Harvey’s Quick Lube and Tune’s going down!

I’ll even take a side bet against this game going all six, you ever hear of the mercy rule?

Whoo, alright, South Mountain Floor and Tile let’s hear some chatter.

That a boy Jr. you just keep pumpin ‘em in there.  I got your signs boy, you just look this way.

What’ya mean back in left field.  I’m going nowhere, I got your left field right here Jerry.  You can’t manage these kids.  You can’t even manage your wife.

Don’t give me those dead eyes, Cheryl.

That’a boy.  Three up three down.  Time for a brewski.

Yeah! Lets get those bats going.  I wanna see hits.

Unhook the ice cart Patrick, get your fat ass down the line.

Oh come on, he knows I’m just messing.

Shake it off.  Get ‘em next inning boys.  Time for some defense.  Time for a cold one.

Here we go Mountain here we go !  !  Here we go Mountain here we go !  !

Routine fly ball, you got to be kidding me, Damnit Marco, would it kill you to take your boy out for a catch every now and then. 

That’s alright, shake it off boys.

Haha hows that burger?  Big ole Hedricks knows how to burn those sons a bitches doesn’t he?  I mean shit, looks like one of the charcoal bricks on a bun.

You got to get the lead runner.  We’re talking fundamentals here.  This is day one stuff.  Where you at coach?

Oh, What?  Boo! Is that an intentional walk??  Booooo!

C’mon Blue!!  He’s out.  Out by a mile.

Ignore all that Jr. get back in the groove.  Rock and fire now.  That’a boy.

Mr. Ump, Mr. Ump, can you please help me out here.  I just don’t understand the zone you’re setting up.  You can’t ask the boy to throw them all over the middle, give him those corners.

Shake it off Jr.  No pressure here.  Bases loaded.  Strike this guy out.

Walk!?  Mr. Ump please.  Please Mr. Ump.  Help me out here, Mr. Ump.

Jerry, you sonovabitch don’t take my boy outta this game.

Don’t do it.  Don’t do it.  That’s it, we need to have a talk.

Alright, alright, I’m off the field.  I said alright, I’m off.

Tammy, I don’t need to hear it.  Not now.

Ok, Mr. Ump, I’m sorry Mr. Ump.  Get back to the game.  I won’t interrupt anymore.

No we don’t need the law, nobody needs to call the law.

Yeah, I had a few.  So what?  You think you can stop me?

Officer, yes I understand.  Yes, Mr. Officer I know there is no drinking in the park.

This is baseball though.

image: Aaron Burch


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