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October 12, 2015 | Dispatches

thought experiments

Lucy Tiven

thought experiments photo

saturday 9/5

I imagine you shooting a bb gun in the desert, hitting a bottle    
though some days it takes a second to remember my own voice    

          symptoms: dizzy again

adding someone to the scientology mailing list is hard & unfeeling work

   so   many  small let-downs     to choke on    for a second & then go on  
like nothing happened  

this week i am teaching my kitten the word   No.   it breaks my heart.  broke
my heart. i break my heart. no not you           disappointed?

 

tuesday 9/1

narcs were right - swimming is great

          “it takes a long time to for your core beliefs to reflect recent behavioral changes”

a few of mine: i am never enough
nobody actually wants to know anyone else

& boring stuff like that


symptoms: no fun, no appetite

          tony soprano’s anxiety isn’t realistic, but he is


friday 9/4


symptoms:

my sex life is full of prop guns
shitty concrete art

friday 9/4

10pm

saw a photo online of A w/ a friend of mine

symptoms:

lots of  drinking &  hissy muttering

symptoms:

i drive by dennys after dennys and imagine them catching fire in the road

symptoms:

in A’s poem he called me ‘ktown poet’
in mine I call him ‘ the brand ambassador’

*

weds 8/19

votive lights always   remind me of crime & not
memory

symptoms: vertigo, cold hands, stabbing a pillow

thought: yee haw  

I always wanted a honky tonk kind of abandonment anyway


*

sunday 9/6

symptoms:

faux grief

serialized roads

picking wine at cvs

          not every wound is a monument

*

monday 9/7

in the movies the alcoholic always swims alone in the dark

I am not saying the clarity is a hoax, just that it is a bit expensive 

A had an empty reptile cage at the foot of the bed when he fucked me

          yuck

symptoms:

fog in searchlights      constellations of empty gestures

symptoms:

  I just want everything to last forever

it  is a  personal  problem

 

image: Carabella Sands


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