Four teenagers named “Phil” were tired of their dads not being rich.
“It is very frustrating to have a poor dad,” said Phil. His dad was so poor that their house had turned into a mosquito.
The oldest Phil sometimes pretended he didn’t have any dads. The school nurse was very concerned that Phil pretended his dads were not dads.
Phil’s science teacher tried to make him a new dad. Phil did not like people making him new dads because all his new dads usually had mosquito blood.
One day in history class, the four teenagers named “Phil” learned in their u.s.a. history textbook that no one had ever traveled back in time.
Phil did not like his history teacher so he skipped class and traveled back in time to a place where dads did not yet exist.
On a warm, octagon-shaped day in 1952, four teenagers named Phil fell out of the sky and landed in a field with only a single hay bale.
All the teenagers named Phil died except the one that landed in the hay bale.
Most of the historians that were responsible for writing about the teenagers named Phil weren’t sure which Phil died. The Phil that didn’t die wasn’t worried about history so he didn’t tell the historians which Phil he was because he was more worried that someone would find the three dead teenagers named Phil and call the police.
The Phil that landed in the hay bale didn’t want to go jail so he ate the three dead Phils so there would be no proof of their existence in the year 1952.
It took Phil almost four months to eat all the dead teenagers from the future.
When he finished, one of his arms had fully turned into a mosquito.
Everyone that was alive in the year 1952 had never seen someone with a mosquito for an arm.
Phil and his mosquito arm became very popular.
In the year 1952, the name “Phil” had never existed. Nearly seventy percent of all newborns from that point on were named “Phil.”
A lot of people tried touching Phil.
One guy stole Phil’s mosquito arm because the guy thought if he ate it, the mosquito arm would make him invisible, but the mosquito arm didn’t have any special powers.
After Phil lost his mosquito arm he got very sad. He missed living in a world where his dad existed. It also sort of dawned on him for the first time that all his friends had been eaten by someone from the future.
Phil decided to go back to where he was from. It took him almost sixty years. When he finally made it to his house from the future he learned that his dad was still poor and that almost everyone in the world was named “Phil,” but it was okay even though it had gotten very difficult for people with only one arm to eat sandwiches alone.