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March 20, 2015 Poetry

I Keep Thinking

Carabella Sands

I Keep Thinking photo

I’m trying to find a way to help foster children
Because I was one
And all I ever learned how to do
Is be what other people want
But I am only average at doing so
I’m only ok at pretending

But I have a million lights
I have two million actually
A whole billboard

They aren’t mine

I just have access

But I want to use them to help everyone
Who ever helped me
Which is basically everyone in Baltimore

I want to rescue my grandmother
From this nursing home
Carry her back through town
Up Charles St. and have those millions of lights say

WELCOME
HOME
RUTH

On the phone
She tells me there is a bug
stuck in the light above her head
He is on the move
She says she thinks he wants to get out
She doesn’t like bugs
But she doesn’t want to see
Any living animal trapped
She tells me he is walking the other direction

I say, “Grandma!
Stop looking at bugs!”
She says, “O.K.”

I think of rescuing my grandmother from the home
Like a fairy tale

I imagine all the old women and men
Saying, “I’m getting out of here.
It has happened before”
But no one being able to remember
Who got out

So I imagine giving my grandmother flowers
Like she gave to me after every recital 
And her seeing her name in lights
Seeing her name as big as a billboard

That’s all anyone wants
To see their name in lights
To be on a billboard
To be apart of a fairy tale

That’s what I want anyway

 

image: Ruth Sands


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