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October 5, 2015 | Fiction

Don't Bother

Erick Saenz

Don't Bother photo

When it’s my turn to order coffee I look anywhere but her eyes and whisper “soy latte” like it’s a secret. When she asks my name I tell her. It doesn’t matter how you spell it.

*

The effects were subtle at first; awkwardness at the check-out counter; quiet comments in class more to myself than to anyone. I shrunk into myself, unable to interact like a normal human being.

*

Seeing a friend’s band, I stare straight ahead, hiding in the solitude of the crowd.

*

Last time I was home my parents took me to a museum in L.A.

“Mom, did you ever know I get anxious around big crowds?”

She looked at me worried. Outside, it was raining. I wanted to be in it, the rose garden empty and gray.

“No…when did this happen.” Something in her voice like she didn’t want to know the answer.

“I dunno” I shrugged, changed the subject.

*

Simple errands have their disturbances too.  Unguarded moments when you’re inspecting avocados, look up and find someone eyeing you.

I keep my head down, look busy.

 

image: Aaron Burch


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