I watched the Fassbinder film.. half in English, half in German..

I had no doubt my husband’s depression was the authentic article, just as I had no doubt that he used this depression irresponsibly, as leverage, a venal tactic, to flatter himself and defuse criticism and basically get every last fucking thing he wanted.

i am the leader, the captain, the general of my troops, and yet it doesn’t matter much to me whether i win or lose.