Wanted; rad assassin movies where everything is so over the top and ridiculous that you leave the theater telling the person/people with you: "that was the best movie ever! Amazing!"; seeing said movies with a flask; Angelina Jolie's tattoos and butt in Wanted; Morgan Freeman saying "Motherfucker" and "Oh... fuck" in Wanted; books about birds; magazine articles about magic, video games, roadtrips and traveling, or buffalo; buffalo tattoos; any animal with antlers; the Detroit Tigers recent tear, finally putting them over .500; the 2008 NBA Finals; going on vacation to islands in Michigan where cars aren't allowed; Danzig; the new Weezer album (see, especially, the lyrics to "Heart Songs"); old school video game arcades; the first half or so of the Strangers; being able to watch The Office and 30 Rock and The Daily Show and The Colbert Report on hulu.com for free; the sign we bought at a weird thrift store type place that has a big "S" in a big red circle with a line through it and says "no standing after dark" which we then brough home and hung on the front of our house beside our front door; haggling for said sign; Lindt Intense Orange chocolate; the fact that the new dirty comedy issue of Monkeybicycle is finally, finally, finally out.

Angelina's too-skinny arms (I'm all but sure they are the same diameter above the elbow as below, if not even smaller, which kind of creeps me out more the more I think about it); the cover of Vanity Fair with a close-up of Angelina where she looks like a weird, creepy mannequin or something and the fact that it creeps us out whenever we see it on the newsstand; when the people at Home Depot are unhelpful and look at and talk to you like you are a moron for knowing absolutely nothing about home repair; the Seattle Mariners' continued woeful ways; the Lakers; the final quarter or so of The Strangers, once it hits the points where it starts to drag on and get a little boring and then that boring spell makes you stop and realize that there is no point to the movie and they are just going to die in the end anyway and you might be OK with that if the killers were otherwise interesting enough to hold your attention but they aren't really so you just stop caring; that new show on CBS "Swingtown" (granted, this show is so cheesy and lame that it is enjoyable and therefor may may belong on the other half of this list, but that half is already long and so, for the sake of keeping things even, and also a reluctance to put say we like the show despite its just mentioned enjoyablility, we are calling it a dislike).

most everything Jim Ruland covered in his week of guest blogging at The Elegant Variation a few weeks ago (we aren't sure how to link to this week, but this post is a good place to start (Roy Kesey & Dzanc! Ruland, himself! Kevin Sampsell & Future Tense! Donald Ray Pollock! flasks!!! lots more!), and then you can try to find your way around from there, if you so desire and you haven't already)(we are feeling especially fond of brevity this month and so thought to leave it at just that. then we realized we really should mention the Wigleaf 50 which is really cool, and also fall under our desired theme of brevity as they are all stories that are less than 1,000 words. however, we then further realized that Ruland actually wrote about Wigleaf and their afore-mentioned "50" during his also afore-mentioned week of guest-blogging so, really, we didn't need to mention it because we kind of already had. and now, because our fondness for asides and parentheticals while doing these likes lists is greater than our current fondness fore brevity, well... this is no longer as brief as we'd intended. whatever.).

there are probably a couple things that we like that weren't name-checked during Ruland's inspired blogging frenzy that we just raved about over there to the left but, for the most part, our dislikes this month are just about everything that Ruland DIDN'T mention. if it's good enough to like, it seemed like he worked it in somehow.

getting to relive Vegas memories while composing these likes lists; Vegas; turning around at the Palms after having gambled for teh last few hours and seeing all your friends, who your girlfriend arranged to fly in and meet you as a surprise for your 30th birthday; sitting at a blackjack table with all your friends after you've one-by-one sat in empty seats as they became available and eventually taken it over completely; the buffet at the Rio (obviously);when lit journal editors tell contributors to "eat shit and die!" after they complain about not having received their free issue (why haven't we yet taken this tactic? from now on, all letters from Hobart will simply read "eat shit and die!" or, if we are extra tired, just, "ES&D!"); when people leave really, really long comments on our blog about how we don't take the art of haiku(s) seriously enough, not realizing that we don't really take anything all that seriously and they just spent probably twice as much time on a comment about baseball haiku than we've spent thinking about Hobart as a whole over the last seven years; Flight of the Conchords; when you spend 3-1/2 hours in a bookstore while the kid waits in line to get a book signed (well, by "waiting in line" we mean "milling about the store until her number (187) is called, which we had to call earlier in the day to procure (see also: likes: not being sure if we used the word "procure" correctly, but using it anyway, despite ease of being able to just look it up online)) and using that time to read ("humorous" essay collection by person who isn't David Sedaris? lame!; new ficiton in the new issue of The Sun? awesome!); cafes that serve bottomless mimosas at brunch; when places that previously offered bottomless mimosas at brunch but then got rid of them because people were abusing the offer bring them back.

having to postpone a Vegas-centric likes list because of our annual baseball issue (not that we don't love baseball and our accompanying April issue just... you know... Vegas!); how pretty much all the casinos have gone to paying 6:5 on single deck blackjack; when you get all excited to go somewhere, specifically for the bread pudding you remember someone else getting on your last visit, only to find they don't have bread pudding and you were thinking of something else; when you order the "Rose of Cabernet", not knowing what that means exactly, and then get a glass of chilled, way-too-sweet-and-fruity wine; essay collections that come out under a lot of hype and featuring essays about topics that you get really excited about but then suck; people who bitch about flash fiction and how it isn't really a "story" or how it is bastardized fiction or whatever their argument is. we never fully catch it as we usually just tune out after not too long; the preview for that new Helen Hunt movie that she also directed and which she looks scary in because women who are basically older than college age and are waaaaay too thin look scary and why doesn't anyone tell all these women that if they gained a little weight they would look so much better, if not really, really great?; when cafes offer the best deal ever (see: bottomless mimosas at brunch) but then get rid of them.

Opening Day!; the fact that baseball season is here again; the fact that baseball season being here means warmer weather should also (hopefully) soon be here; all the offseason trades and signings that the Tigers made making their team look crazy good this year; huge 100,000 people crowds at LA Coliseum to see a baseball game; the fact that the LA Coliseum isn't meant to host baseball games which means the left field fence is only 200 ft.; seeing Joe Torre move outfielders around to compensate for said super-short left field and playing 5 infielders and only 2 outfielders (it was like tee ball or something!); Curtis Granderson; Curtis Granderson's MySpace blog; getting to the ballpark early on free giveaway day (see, especially: Magglio Ordonez hat and wig day!); getting to the ballpark early enough to catch batting practice; really weird mascots that no one understands (see: Mariners Moose, Phillie Phanatic, etc.); standing room only tickets; betting.

opening day games in Japan; the fact that games in Japan makes the idea of "opening day" confusing; not having a TV come baseball season; getting worried about too-high expectations for the Tigers' loaded lineup; trying to think of new likes and dislikes every year for this annual baseball update when, really, we pretty much 1) like the same stuff about baseball every year, and 2) just want to load the list with our like of Rickey Henderson and Tony Gwynn and Nolan Ryan headlocking Robin Ventura and our dislike of the Yankees and A-Rod; Curtis Granderson being on the 15 day DL because of a broken finger; no cheerleaders; George Bush's crackdown on online gambling making it near impossible for us to bet on baseball games.

rolling into town just in time to catch the last tour at the Buffalo Trace distillery; the fact that there is a distillery that combines two of our favorite things: bourbon and buffalo; any food item that has bourbon added to it (i.e. bourbon balls, bourbon fudge, bourbon caramel sauce, bourbon apple butter (mmm, bourbon apple butter!), bourbon cherries, bourbon barbeque sauce, bourbon coffee...); bourbon flavored cigars; the ol' "looking-through-your-wallet-for-the-AAA-card-that-you-know-doesn't-exist-all-so-you-can-get-the-10%-AAA-discount" ploy; the cute tour guide at Maker's Mark who stuck her arm elbow-deep into a vat of whiskey mash; getting to stick our hands into the mash ourselves and taste the various stages of mash (sweet beer, sour beer, flat beer); getting to dunk our own bottle into the cool red wax at the Maker's Mark gift shop; the fact that almost everything in the Maker's gift shop comes dipped in their cool red wax (the glasses, the flasks, the bourbon flavored cigars...); walking into hundred year old warehouses where barrels of whiskey are stored and inhaling the "angels' share"; Kentucky; the beautiful rolling hills of Kentucky; most of the people we encountered in Kentucky (read: everyone not affiliated with the Woodford Reserve distillery); bourbon tasting at the end of every tour; free bourbon balls; being given samples of "White dog," AKA "White Lightning," AKA moonshine, at the Wild Turkey (and also Maker's Mark!) distillery; the fact that, by law, one of the rules that makes bourbon bourbon is it has to be made in the US (take THAT Canada! and you too Scotland and Ireland!); the fact that one of only two S-shaped bridges in the world is in Kentucky, just below the Wild Turkey factory; the fact that you can tell how much of this likes list was written by Elizabeth because she is seemingly incapable of adding a like without using the phrase "the fact that..."; giggling under our breath like Beavis and Butthead anytime the word "bunghole" was mentioned, which was a lot; bourbon pecan pie; room service; watching Big Redneck Wedding on CMT while in the hotel; staying at the Capital Plaza hotel in Frankfort; the fact that Frankfort is the capital of Kentucky and feels like a ghost town on an episode of Scooby Doo; horsies! Pretty, pretty horsies!; the fact that this likes list is so long, and much longer than the dislikes half because, by and large, there is a damn lot to like about a Kentucky Bourbon Trail trip

when you're the only two people on a tour and the tour guide is an older man who keeps telling one of you that you look exactly like his daughter-in-law; when that same tour guide asks at the end of the tour if he can hug you and by "hug" he apparently means press the upper portion of you to him for approximately fifty-nine seconds; the Jim Beam distillery; the fact the Jim Beam is the world's largest producer of bourbon and yet they don't even offer an official tour; when your girlfriend looks at you totally embarrased as you rifle through your wallet for said AAA card that both of you knows doesn't exist; when you check into your hotel room after being in the car for six+ hours, use the bathroom, then realize there is no soap or shampoo anywhere in the place; when you have to call down for soap/shampoo, which you use, and the following day, when you return to your hotel, find that not only is the soap you were using gone, but none has been left in its place; when you're 5'7" and the showerhead has been positioned so high you have to stand with one foot on either side of the tub in order to rinse your hair or face or feel water of any sort on any part of you; being talked into waiting forty-five minutes to take the tour at Woodford Reserves; not having time to eat at the overly delicious sounding restaurant in Frankfort that we saw an ad for that supposedly had the best ribs, or maybe it was burgers, in town, because you were talked into taking the tour at Woodford Reserves; paying five dollars each for the tour at Woodford Reserves even though every other distillery tour was free; the cheap plastic shot glasses you get at the end of the tour at Woodford Reserves; the fact that everyone we encountered at Woodford Reserves seemed to have a stick up their ass; Tom Arnold's "hosting" of My Big Redneck Wedding on CMT (someone please make that guy stop); not getting to see Daniel Boone's grave before leaving town;

meeting people in person you previously knew only online; hotel bars; NOO Journal; hearing Dan Wickett curse; sharing a table with Juked; Mike Young & Blake Butler (together and separately); everyone who stopped by the Hobart table; our rotating themed table decorations featuring My Little Pony, Star Wars, and High School Musical; the people who noticed said decorations and quickly averted their eyes while walking away; the AWP dance (if you thought you were too cool for it, you probably are (I'm looking at you, Mike Young!) but you still missed out, that mess was rockin'!); free drinks; dancing with Jacob from Another Chicago Magazine; watching really drunk writers dirty dancing with other really drunk writers they've just met (see: us dancing with Jacob from Another Chicago Magazine); Krispy Kremes at four in the morning: the fact that Michelle Orange hung out with us all day Saturday despite our (admittedly) overuse of the word "cock"; spending over an hour discussing the ways in which one might fuck a fetal pig and whether or not fucking said pig makes you gay (our conclusion: if the pig's female, you're not gay); the bar at 10th and Avenue B (sorry, we forget the name or, more likely, never knew it) where we ended up Friday night and at which the now infamous fetal pig conversation took place; flasks; drinking whiskey out of flasks; taking a flask to a NY bar because drinks in NY cost three times as much as they do in the Midwest and we're cheap; Tao Lin's whale poem (if you've heard him read it, you know what we're talking about: "The next night we ate whale..." laughy!); the dudes at Ninth Letter; the fact that Aaron finally let me write my own likes/dislikes.

meeting people in person you previously knew only online; trying to catch a taxi at 6 o'clock on a Friday night in the pouring down rain; the fact that (apparently) hotel bars in NY close at midnight (seriously? wtf?); drinking in hotel bars; when you're flying on a super windy day and everyone around you is already feeling sick and the stewardess comes on and says, "if you're feeling nauseous, your airsick bag is in the seat in front of you," causing two people in front of you to vomit; literary panels; talking/whining about how no one reads short stories anymore; post -AWP strep throat; talking so much for four days straight that you lose your voice and sound like Fran Drescher; when a random dude comes up to you in a hotel bar and says "we're Facebook friends" and your obvious lack of recognition makes him follow up with, "Scrabulous?" (or maybe this is a like? I'm not wholly sure. either way, it needed to be on this list); when you're waiting in the hotel lobby for your boyfriend who is (allegedly) using the bathroom and five minutes later someone who is not your boyfriend comes out of the hotel bar to get you because your (alleged) boyfriend is already sitting/drinking at a table full of ladies and has forgotten all about you; not getting to see people you previously only knew online but now know and love in person in person for another year (barring road trips); the inability to word the previous sentiment unawkwardly; the fact that unawkwardly isn't a word according to MS Word; writing really cheesy likes/dislikes and sounding like a tool.

Juno; that scene in Juno where she tells Michael Cera that she likes him because he doesn't have to try to be cool and he responds, "I try really hard, actually"; when McSweeney's gets name-checked in Juno; Arrested Development; Freaks & Geeks; Undeclared; the preview for There Will Be Blood; the Ben Marcus story in the most recent Harper's; Stop Smiling (is anyone else reading this mag? it's awesome); buffalo; all those year-end lists (sure, they are kind of obnoxious, but they are kind of great and fun too, no? we love 'em!); Entourage; getting a mug with a picture of yourself on it as a Christmas present; regifting all the presents you got and didn't really want at your post-Christmas party; gifts that are recurring (magazine or newspaper subscriptions, wine- or brownie- or whatever-else-of-the-months clubs, etc.); scarves in the winter; flasks; humidors; the fact that Snoop Dogg has his own reality show; Knocked Up; Superbad; clarkandmichael.com; the David Blaine parodies on funnyordie.com; meat and cheese (in all forms, really, but especially around these times in the form of presents from Hickory Farms); arcades; bearded David Letterman; bearded Conan O'Brian

driving through a snowstorm and having your 4 hour drive home turn into a 6 hour drive, at least; driving for six hourse through said snowstorm then having to shovel the driveway when you get home; that show "Aliens in America" (we downloaded one episode free from iTunes (and, sure, OK, maybe it was not a representative episode), and it was lame and annoying and just made us want to go back and rewatch "Freaks and Geeks"); the fact that Snoop's reality show is really, really bad (and, yes, we mean this within the already pretty bad context of reality shows); the preview for 27 Dresses; Katherine Heigl; the fact that Katherine Heigl told Vanity Fair that she thought Knocked Up was sexist (um... and then her next movie is 27 Dresses, another stupid movie seemingly about how all every woman really wants is for the right man to come by and sweep her off her feet and... I can't even think about it all anymore. the preview looks stupid and Katherine Heigl is stupid and now she deserves multiple spots on many dislikes lists from here on out. so there. that'll show her!); the rise in postal prices (which happened a few months ago, we know, but we've been sending out the new issue of Hobart for the last few weeks and that postal increase is a bitch)

Sam Elliott (we kind of wanted to just leave it at that. "Sam Elliott." nothing else. we just saw The Golden Compass and, of course, remembered the Big Lebowski, and it almost felt right. damn, that guy is awesome. but then it felt like some kind of injustice not also praising our love for No Country For Old Men and Tommy Lee Jones and well, now we are back to the Coen Brothers and Big Lebowski and Sam Elliott...); No Country For Old Men; Tommy Lee Jones; The Big Lebowski; Cormac McCarthy; The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada; Guillermo Arriaga; the polar bear fight in The Golden Compass; funnyordie.com; when someone sends you a bunch of Euros in the mail for a Hobart subscription; tacking said Euro notes to your wall because you aren't sure when you'll ever next go somewhere to exchange them; going to the Hemingway House in Key West on Thanksgiving Day; going to Key West for Thanksgiving; ghost tours in Key West; Michael Cera; when you go on vacation and the 11 and 14 year-olds you are with bring with them printed out pictures of Michael Cera and Tom Cruise, respectively, and even tape them up to the window on the plane; taking Pasha to the Motown Museum; naked Marisa Tomei in Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (see also: Marisa Tomei's panty'ed ass in Before the Devil); "An Evening with Dan Wickett" at Shaman Drum in Ann Arbor; Whitney Pastorek; not worrying about making the two halves of this list match in length, mostly due to still being stuck thinking about Marisa Tomei...

just about everyone who isn't Sam Elliott; the fact that there weren't enough badass polar bear fights in The Golden Compass; all the awful Coen Brothers movies we had to wait through since The Big Lebowski until finally they stopped making crap and made something brilliant again; going on vacation and then getting a bunch of "bug bites" and not knowing what they are, but just knowing your legs itch all over -- bed bugs? some kind of ocean lice? poison ivy and not actually bug bites at all?; trying to stay organized; filling out applications; anything that in any way resembles filling out applications or paperwork or generally involves being more organized than we are; almost everything else (read: other than Marisa Tomei in various degrees of undress) about Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (obviously, the acting is great (Phillip Seymour Hoffman? amazing. always.), but it otherwise just kind of made us want to slit our wrists; the huge disappointment that was American Gangster; the fact that Pindeldyboz print is no longer; proofreading anything, but especially these lists (read: we don't really)

Halloween; super, wicked awesome costumes; red wine; Diet Mountain Dew; beef jerky (bonus points: beef jerky on a road trip); Adrian Tomine; museums; the unlikely but still wished for possibility of A-Rod getting less money after opting out of his current contract; 30 Rock; buffalo; bowling leagues; Michelle Tea and the Sister Spit tour; Weezer's Pinkerton; the Cartoon Network; corn mazes; haunted corn mazes; boston terriers; Roy Kesey; following Roy Kesey's reading tour from city to city like he is the Grateful Dead; Casey Affleck; chapbooks; digital cameras; text messaging people who are in teh same house as you; brie and baguette (bonus points: brie and baguette with fig spread); thinking adding "bonus points" to things is funny; when another player at the poker table gets two four-of-a-kinds in one night and you still beat said player; overbetting and just generally playing poker like an asshole (bonus points: add cowboy hat and sunglasses)

half-assed costumes; when you have to change trains in Chicago (or, you know, anywhere else) and you get all confused and aren't sure where you are supposed to go and you just start feeling like a total dumbass; A-Rod; Scott Boras; when people keep asking you the same question over and over again despite your attempts to move on; when your girlfriend tells you how she would do something, all the freaking time (example: why do you need more likes? if I was doing it, I'd keep a running list every month); when people who are afraid of dogs come to your house and so you have to put them away (seriously? who's afraid of boston terriers?); Gone Baby Gone; being ridiculed for thinking adding "bonus points" to things is funny; when someone else at the poker table adopts your "asshole strategy" and really pisses you off because, you know, no one likes the asshole at the poker table!

cigars and whiskey; the fact that whiskey is inadvertently on almost every month's likes' list; slobbering all over the end of a good cigar; Cuban cigars; Cuba (we assume. we haven't actually been there or anything); pipes; smoking jackets; Hugh Hefner; Karen McDougal; Isla Fisher; Vegas!; Halloween!; sharing slobbered on cigars; pets; that Porno for Pyros song "Pets"; TV on the Radio; the Jonas Brothers; Seaweed (if you have one, go get out one of your old Seaweed CDs (or tapes). we promise, you'll love it. if you don't have one, go to iTunes right now. "Spanaway" is the obvious place to start, but "Four" and "Indispensible" are just as good, if not better); Sleater Kinney (yeah, we just broke this back out too. good stuff); ceiling fans; jackets with elbow pads; beef; the Comedy Central roast of flavor flav (seriously. laughy); laughing your ass off, in general; mlb playoffs; the season premier of The Office (see: laughing my ass off)(note by person cutting and pasting this from an email from friend: I haven't actually seen this yet as we don't have cable yet and iTunes doesn't have The Office this year. ARG!); breakfast sausage and eggs over-easy; walnut pie (like a pecan pie, but with walnuts. who knew?); pocket guides; night golf; muscle cars; the Target skit on SNL; new socks; hammerhead sharks!!!

when you buy a bunch of candy for Halloween and get all excited to hand it out and then... no kids walk through your neighborhood (note: it is the beginning of October so, obviously, this hasn't happened yet. but, you know, it sucks when it does); "Cuban style" cigars; Jethro Tull; Rush; people who argue in favor of either Jethro Tull or Rush; Carlos Mencia; not laughing our asses off; the fact that we can't subscribe to The Office on iTunes this year; baseball almost being done for the season; A-Rod (always and forever); Dane Cook promoting the mlb playoffs; Wal-Mart; broken bbq'ers; when your bbq's propane tank catches fire, basically turning itself into a flame thrower (which is actually pretty cool, minus the potential for it to a-splode all in your face! actually, that might be what makes it kind of cool); young celebs who have no clue how out of touch with reality they are; large amounts of non-road trip driving; sour milk; drinking sour milk; having to poop so bad you are forced to walk funny (don't act like you dont know what we're talking about. back arched, butt out, arms at 90 degrees. you know. you've done it yourself so shutup.); having to seriously consider the possibility of actually shitting your pants in public

whiskey; Jim Beam Black; when friends get paid to go to Germany to review a metalfest; the World Beard Moustache Championships; Christopher Monks and both of his blogs and the fact that he is now the McSweeney's web editor; archery; Rob Zombie; Zach Galifinakis (sp? we're way too lazy to look it up and, much as we love the guy, that name is way too tricky for us); Wet Hot American Summer; The Ten; Winona Ryder in The Ten (this is ee's one contribution but, seriously, that girl was HOTT in that movie!); Stella; pretty much any post- The State project; stringing together lots of adjectives in a row, especially when they all mean practically the same thing; Posh Spice (yeah, I said it); bendy straws; visors (who knew?); using lots and lots of parentheticals (noticing a pattern? notes in parentheses are funny!); The Office; Steve Carrell; using what you have for bathroom supplies (soap for shampoo, soap for shaving cream, aloe vera (it's summer, sunburns happen!) for hair gel, etc.); soccer; Ronaldinho; smoking whole chickens while sporadically spraying them with apple juice; cooking chicken on the grill over an open can of beer (we haven't actually done this, but we keep hearing of pretty amazing results); eating said chickens; taquitos; tapatio; staying with the Rulands for a weekend and eating some really, really good Mexican food and drinking some really, really good whiskey; Daniel Woodrell; Curtis Granderson; hearing that Samuel L. Jackson was one of the people that rushed to the hospital to see/talk to Owen Wilson; roadtrips; air conditioned rooms; summer vacations; goodass hamburgers that have bbq sauce mixed in with the meat BEFORE it goes onto the grill; candied walnuts; chipotle; whiffle ball; flight of the conchords and the funny songs that make us laugh and email people links; listening to people still complain about the ending of the Sopranos; new socks; when certain family members send you an email before their arrival telling you to "plan activities that promote family togetherness." huh? what??

trying to eat healthy; Employee of the Month (when you watch a movie expecting to really dislike it and it still astounds you how truly awful it is... wow. somebody tell Jessica Simpson, Dane Cook, and pretty much just about anyone else affiliated with that movie to just stop); the Mariners losing nine in a row (seriously?? what the hell happened? you can't do that into the beginning of September!); The Yankees (of course.); the fact that, even when you make yourself like a popular song, or get caught up in the... whateverness of it, radio will totally ruin it by cramming it down your throat every 5th song, day in and day out; straws; how freaking long it takes to back up your computer for the first time; Christopher Walken (yeah, yeah. we know. he used to be cool. get over it.); Arizona in the summer (dry heat or not, 115 is just miserable); sweating as soon as you get out of the shower; having the air conditioning on all the time; recent electric bills; stingy servers at chipotle; when the server at chipotle throws all the ingredients into one round lump then cant figure out why the burrito wont wrap correctly; comedic songs; listening to people still complain about the ending of the Sopranos; old socks; the inability to keep simple goldfish, won at the fair, alive for more than 24 hours; when people tell you to "stop me if I've told you this before" (do they really want you to stop them? no. probably not. would they just prefer that you pretend you haven't heard it before and hear them out? probably); repeating ourselves; trying really hard every month to get these lists even. this is a lot of work. we're not sure all you wonderful Hobart readers realize that. so, from here on out, let's just say: "duly noted" (note: yep, the addition of that brought us to just about dead even); when certain family members send you an email before their arrival telling you to "plan activities that promote family togetherness"

this Joe Dirt speech:
"So your gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?... You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?... You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"

when you go to buy fireworks and they "don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis... no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers... no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"

baseball; The Office; Kelly on The Office (that Netflix speech was pure gold!); Steve Carell; the trailer for "Knocked Up"; pretty much all things Judd Apatow-related; pretty much all things Seth Rogen-related; the "Superbad" preview; "American Youth" by Phil LaMarche; getting your hair cut and realizing that, apparently, the way you described your desired cut to the person cutting your hair made her think you wanted a mullet; MySpace; adding songs to your MySpace page; writing stupid shit on your MySpace page; taking pictures of yourself, bored, drinking, and wearing a cowboy outfit, with your built-in laptop camera; "cowboy parties"; "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour; actually, pretty much all songs by Living Colour; updating this likes list (which probably should have long-since run its course) in a fury, and not even thinking about or realizing what all you are talking about; KEXP; bottomless mimosas on a weekend morning; summer cocktails; getting tired mid-likes-update, and giving up...

most other sports; most other TV shows; not having HBO; having to wait for shows to come out on DVD; the trailer for the horribly lame looking movie with Luke Wilson ("Vacancy"?); pretty much all non-Wes Anderson movies with Luke Wilson; getting your hair cut and realizing that, apparently, the way you described your desired cut to the person cutting your hair made her think you wanted a mullet; MySpace; spending too much time on writing stupid shit on your MySpace page; every movie in recent memory with Nicolas Cage in it; My Chemical Romance; The Arcade Fire (there, yeah, I said it. I want something rocking, and this isn't it); running our of pop and being too lazy to go out for more (see, also: almost all other necessary food, drink, and alcohol products); when the local cafe that used to have bottomless mimosas and bloody marys every Saturday and Sunday morning and early afternoon (for only 8 dollars!) does away with said deal;getting tired mid-likes-update, and giving up...

baseball. period., opening day, heckling outfielders, drinking before the game, drinking during the game, drinking after the game, grand slams, inside-the-park home runs, triples, when Nolan Ryan headlocked Robin Ventura (yes, this is probably on every year's baseball likes. tell us it wasn't awesome), bench-clearing brawls, when Lou Piniella gets pissed, when Chris Sabo corked his bat, extra innings, Bases Loaded for Nintendo, outfield collisions, home plate collisions, Wade Boggs, the Detroit Tigers, the Seattle Mariners, Jim Leyland, dave winfield killing a seagull and getting booed then arrested in Toronto, Albert Pujols, old Ken Griffey Jr. posters, old Ken Griffey Jr. chocolate bar wrappers that we still have (in both colors!), when you recognize a player in the majors who you remember seeing play in the minors, pretty much everything about minor league ball

all things not baseball, the price of food at games, the price of decent tickets, the steroid controversy, the Yankees, Alex Rodriguez (yes, we know. again, every year. fuck that guy), Rob Dibble (actually, the entire cast of The Best Damn Sports Show), Mark McGwire, when Barry Bonds breaks the homerun record this year, Little League dads, traffic to and from the game, when Kirby Puckett died, the new movement to modernize minor league baseball, Nich Lachey buying the Tacoma Rainiers, the offseason

renting, and then driving, cars where you have to drive on the "other" side of the street; turtle farms; swimming with the stingrays; not getting stuck in the heart by a stingray; drinking rum on the beach in the Caribbean; "smuggling" a Cuban cigar back into the States (nobody in any way official reads this list, right? this was an accident. totally. kind of); steak and eggs; off-ramps; the glossy maple boards of a basketball court; pre-varsity game psych-up music; getting my truck muddy; cooking wild things for dinner; antler tattoos; peppermint brownies; aspirin; the Old Farmer's Almanac; lullabies in other languages; cheap champagne; drinking champagne straight from the bottle; OK, drinking pretty much anything straight from the bottle; parades in small towns; parades in small towns (yeah, we know we just put that twice. that is how much we love small town parades); the old Nightline, although not until it was gone; old newsmen with kind voices; Woody Guthrie; iPods (yeah, we've caught up to the rest of the world and, yes, they really are pretty great, no?)

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not bringing enough delicious Tortuga brand rum cocktail fruit juice back from vacation (that mess is good!); airports; flying first class (yeah. we said it. what? OK, maybe not really a "dislike" but there just isn't anything that special about it. more room, but it still isn't very comfortable); the decline of "hott" stewardesses (we probably shouldn't really say that, huh?); Fox & Friends; dog yack under the breakfast table (editor's note: "yack" from any animal, anywhere, is pretty much always a dislike. but, the word "yack"? that's gotta be a like!); on-ramps; exceedingly immature high school students (sorry kids...it's just a mild irritation); bleacher butt; approaching angry coaches to get quotes on team performance after they've had their posterior region handed to them in an altered state (second editor's note: can you tell one of the web editors is currently covering high school sports for a local paper?); reading (no, no--wringing out) legal documents in order to get news briefs; the headaches they produce budgets; the New Nightline; Martin Bashir; Garth Brooks.

Samurai Jack; Aeon Flux (the original MTV2 cartoon); Maxx (the MTV cartoon); Maxx (the comic); Sam Kieth; Anthony Hopkins in Titus; Joyce Carol Oates' stories about serial killers; fictional psychological investigations; the premise of Hellboy and especially his nemesis 'the Freak'; spicy food; Vindaloo witha side of Naan; Sunday dinner with the in-laws; turkey shoots, and the shotgun with the scope that allows me to actually hit anything at all; going to Philadelphia and eating only cheese steaks for teh entire weekend (see also: going to Cali and eating only burritos while there); candy; being scared, late at night, when watching a horror movie all by yourself; Michael Caine (did I spell that right?); Muppets; the original Alfie

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Shotgun kickbacks; Control Top Pantyhose (note by person currently typing cutting and pasting this: please remember these lists are now compiled by the entire editing team and no longer just, um, me); root vegetables (oh my gosh, especially turnips); school buses that stop every five feet; taking the dogs out in the cold; the, um, after effects of spicy food; candy; getting all excited for Halloween, carving pumpkins, decorating the house, buying a lot of candy, then waiting expectantly as almost no kids show up; the new Alfie; when people say "Do you mind if I'm honest" or "Can I be perfectly frank?" and then say something mean about you, someone else, anyone but themselves.

New York City; cigarettes; strippers; Charlie Chaplin movies; the new market down the block, with the fresh produce; that new red wine everyone is drinking; light coming in at dramatic angles every hour of the day; habanero pepper paste; chocolate rice milk; Earthships; Royksopp; turkey shoots; actually hitting the targets at turkey shoots; writing my sports column each week; Richard Ford; hot dogs with jalapenos; championship bull riding; cowboys; when someone I love shows me a movie or a book or plays me a song I don't like, but they love, and explains why that movie or book or song or poem or painting is beloved, and I can't help but like that book, song, or whatever ever after; birthday cake; birthday candles; birthday presents; pinatas; pink and brown; my two year old son singing his own version of "Happy Birthday" to me

New York City; long subway rides; cigarette smoke; exploitation; that Vaudeville sometimes seems so dead and gone; that at the new market you can't get peeled tomatoes in a can; that white wine that tastes too sweet; the opera singer downstairs; writing about football: carries, touchdowns and rushing; Ohio drivers who invade the panhandle; the gas company; my credit card bill; bureaucracy; the Hancock County clerk's office; Sinus headaches; air conditioning in October; paying to get an old car fixed because you just can't get a newer car, even though you know you'll end up spending more money in the long run getting the old clunker fixed; birthday cards that say things like "Aged to Perfection" or have jokes in them about aging body parts; traffic jams; cheap plastic toddler toys that require batteries

random, small flea markets out in the middle of nowhere; putt putt golf (bonus points if pirate-themed); aimless wandering; girls playing tennis (if ee asks, Carman said that); dunes; Northern Michigan; day trips; short weekend trips; Clerks 2; everyone who has ordered Hobart 6; sleeping in on the weekend; waking up early on the weekend and getting shit done and/or just lazily enjoying the day; ukuleles; summer time in San Francisco; wine; coming home from a long vacation to finally sleep in your own bed; a sales rack at a book store full of great books for cheap; duty-free alcohol; buy one get one free sales; buying toys for a one year old; electrical storms; books about pirates; finding things that were lost for long periods of time

customer service jobs; bankers; "schmoozing"; everyone who has not ordered Hobart 6; having to wake up early for work; waking up before your alarm goes off, already stressing about your day at work; jetlag; airplane food; how after being on a plane long enough you actually start to enjoy airplane food; unpaid bills; customs; immigration control; traffic; big American cars; losing things; long shorts/ short pants that can’t commit to being either; people who drive too fast; sandals with socks

all things Hobart #6 related

all things having nothing to do with Hobart #6

Dr. Katz; Memorial Day Weekend; the lit journal, Spork; the small press, Cloverfield; Fiona Apple; Common (this CD was a little boring at first, but I've been listening to it on repeat at work lately and LOVING it); having a Charlie Kaufman marathon (i.e. watching Adaptation, Being John Malkovich, and Eternal Sunshine, back-to-back-to-back); children's theater; iced coffee with Pet Milk; almost-melted vanilla ice cream in the bowl; corn dogs; Radio Flyer wagons (the red, wooden kind);toy stores; vacations; thunder storms in late may that make the air smell dirty but nice; buy one get one free sales at book stores; being introduced to new writers and new books.

When I never have enough time to do all the things I say I'll do, knowing that other people out there do much more, and I am probably not trying hard enough; my babyfat; the new Nightline; promotions that include more responsibility and stress; stress; talking on the phone; the stress of taking a one year old with a cold on a fourteen hour plane flight; school work; fox news; that i have some sort of sick compulsion to watch fox news; speeding tickets; hang overs.

the San Francisco Zoo; the Portland Rose Garden; west coast cities; Geek Love; Austin; flower boxes; toddlers; 4th grade talent shows; when a kid at said 4th grade talent show signs Johnny Cash; the phrase: "the dorkier, the better"; Tool, the band; the fact that the new tool single sounds exactly like the last tool single; actual tools; oversized hammers; tool boxes; listening to baseball games on the radio; that first cup of coffee in the morning; when you start to notice, by the little things, that someone you know likes you; when you find yourself out, and suddenly you realize that you are on what could be considered a date, but you don't even remember having to work up the courage to ask her out, and you are both getting along without any effort, naturally, and you wonder why this thing that seems so easy can normally be so difficult, and you promise yourself that you are going to be kind to this woman, that you can do this, you can be a good person, and that if you just do that nothing can ruin this; selling out; sunglasses; new shorts; water, cactus; deserts; falling asleep; rocking out in your car; crown royale; evan williams; the office; crab man on my name is earl; minnestronie soup; artichokes; cashews; walnuts; dark chocolate; cadbury eggs!; eggs; frosted mini wheats; coco puffs (we go kookoo for em!); hebrew; garbage disposals; stained glass; cigars; big waves; big wave contests

when you get older and you haven't taken such good care of your teeth and you dread visits to the dentist like it is the worst punishment you can think of and you can't even barely eat ice cream anymore because your teeth are too sensitive to the cold; this is cliche and obvious but, hitting your thumb with said oversized hammer; the fact that the new tool single sounds exactly like the last tool single; that second cup of coffee in the afternoon; not having HBO; this last episode of Big Love; writing "panels"; selling out; the habit of procrastination; taking a promotion that is only slightly more money but lots more responsibility; responsibility; money; getting up in the morning; forgetting your sunglasses; old shorts that are too tight in the ass; papers that dont write themselves; due dates; broken shoelaces; the way the bed sheet on my side of the bed wads together like shrek just slept there; old mattresses; puting on a duvet; bonds breaking anymore records; i also hate that taste in your mouth about 5 minutes after drinking a glass of milk or eating a thing of yogurt. ek!

Drinking beer outside; eating peanuts; bringing your glove to the game; catching a foul ball; drunk fans yelling at Damon to cut his hair; homies; sunshine; double plays; homeruns; fans fighting for homerun balls; spitting; pine tar; fungo's; stealing bases; Safeco Field; Edgar Martinez; Lou Pinella; beating the Yankees; garlic fries; Pinstripes; triples; advancing to 1st after dropped third strike; throwing at a batter; bench clearing brawls; Nolan Ryan; stretching; warning track; robbing homeruns; diving catches; Ozzie Smith back flips; breaking bats over your knee; natural grass; playing softball (extra points for playing with a beer and/or cigar in your hand); minor league ball; worn-in baseball hats that look like you've had them since elementary school; baseball cards; Ken Griffey Jr.; Harold Reynolds; Peter Gammons; when you show up to play some softball without a mitt, because you are either a moron, forgetful, randomly playing some pickup ball, or some other excuse, but you are able to borrow a mitt and still get to play; watching the game of follie and errors that is kids playing ball; opening day; day games; Bo Jackson; nosebleed seats; small ball; hit and runs; old nintendo baseball games; pitching machines; Pujols! (can he be stopped?); icy hot; old vets; still bagging on A-rod; bench clearing brawls

$8 beers; forgetting your glove in your seat; not catching a foul ball; drunk fans still yelling at Damon to cut his hair; sunburn; errors; attitudes; outrageous salaries; ticket prices; steroids; rain delays; batting gloves; chew spit; stupid fans; Yankees; getting beat by Yankees; parking downtown; waiting to pee; peeing next to 30 dudes; garlic breath; intentional walks; balks; fan interference; fans running on the field; one handed catches in the outfield(use two hands damnit); lack of hustle; getting hit in the junk with a grounder; bad hops; wet grass; muddy infield; turf; 80's era domes; striking out in softball; brand new baseball hats; Ken Griffey Jr.; Peter Gammons; not having cable, thus, no ESPN; all those damn Braves games I watched on TNT while growing up, merely because I wanted to watch some baseball and they were always on, even though I didn't give a shit about the Braves, or even the National League in general; using someone else's mitt;

wavepools; old mr.t footage; margaritas!; guy ledouche; MXC; skull-head bowling balls; bowling alleys with speedometers to tell you how fast you have just thrown your ball (friggin awesome!); the words "friggin'" and "awesome"; carl from ATHF; tiki mugs; camping; the presidents of the united states of america (c'mon, you know you love 'em. hit the road, pop in some PUSA!); the swish of corduroys when you walk; Tom Petty; that Tom Petty lyric "I'll be the boy, in the corduroy pants, you be the girl, at the high school dance"; Chris Bachelder; Elvis Costello, especially the song "Allison"; George Clooney; just now watching the first season of Lost on DVD; rewatching the first season of Roseanne on DVD; Grizzly Man; Murderball; Hustle & Flow; The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert; You, Me, and Everyone We Know; Michelle Tea; Firefly, the TV show; learning new songs; writing; Cassette tape sound emulators for digital music software, including the hiss parameter to add hiss and noise BACK into your super clean digital sounds; The Anniversary Party; Phrenology by The Roots; Black Maple Hill bourbon; Capri Sun; John Falk; glue guns; staple guns; the smell of gasoline; Love Liza; Phillip Seymour Hoffman; The Sopranos;murals on trucks and vans; poker night; Gus Hansen; anyone named Gus; bowling in different states; discounts; ice cream trucks; Margaret Atwood (sometimes); Tom Sizemore; the fact that there is a coffee place called "Beaners"; soul food; cereal; chili dogs; rechargable batteries; including, in these lists, suggestions from friends, even when I don't always know what they are or when they contradict themselves

bills; late fees; toilets with low water pressure; weather reporters; the current President; politics; freezing computers; taking a three month hiatus and then still leaving way too much work to do the day before it is due; most blogs; when a blog becomes addictive, and you check it every day, even though you hate it; Elvis Costello, including, specifically, "Allison"; the current mess that is my computer desk; flight delays; nearly everything about Scarlett Johansson in Match Point, except looking at her; Match Point; Good Night and Good Luck; with a few notable exceptions, most of the "True Tales" in the New York Times Magazine (see: when you want something to be funny but it just isn't); when high hopes in a movie only lead to being disappointed (see: Match Point); Firefly, the movie; not writing; not learning new songs; root canals; the fact that Rudy Giuliani and Bono are peace prize nominees; George Carlin's latest HBO snoozefest; dandruff; wearing the beast in 90 degree weather, constipation; power outages, leprosy; warts, all ages venues; Tom Sizemore; the fact that no CD player in this apartment works -- CD's played through my computer end up freezing it, the "hi fi" "Hello Kitty" CD players works, well, when it feels like it; the stereo I've had since jr. high? definitely on its last leg. listening to music is a friggin' chore; the lack of any really great Mexican food in Michigan; when you look outside and see nothing but sunshine, so dress accordingly, forgetting for a minute that the sun might be out but it is still February in Michigan, so you really aren't dressed accordingly at all; rechargable batteries