brad reviews: hygiene

sometimes i wish i didnt have to take care of myself. sometimes i look like i dont take care of myself when i actually do take care of myself, so it makes me wonder why i even bother using soap in the shower when im going to get another boil on my back anyways. so here are some reviews on basic hygene.

soap ****

its not really that cool if you really think about it, but then again its made out of fat. bars of soap are better than liquid soaps. add an extra two (2) stars if you use LAVA soap and you are not a mechanic.

deodorant *

used a ton of it through my akward jr. high days, then didnt use any through high school. didnt have to. been blessed with great pharamones all my life. i use it now because, well... i just do.

cleaning your ears -*

more than anything i hate cleaning the wax out of my ears. now for some reason, i have this God-given ability to produce more ear wax than you and your family combined. im like an orange crayon factory whose employees never go on vacation. often times i simply go deaf because of all the accumulated ear wax deeeeeep in the depths of my ears. so you can understand why cleaning your ears gets a minus star. but i do it, and i do it right because i dont want to be the guy you sit next to with the waxy ears. thats just gross.

brushing your teeth *

i hate being so tired that i just want to climb in bed, but i cant because social stigmas, yellow teeth, the gum disease gingivitis, and worst of all cavities, make me want to brush. its just one more thing to do before you get into bed, but you gotta do it.

flossing *****

surprisingly, i like to floss. its fun to see what you can pull out from between your teeth at the end of the day. beef jerky will always hook it up. so will corn, pineapple, red meat, and pretty much everything else. plus, the dentist can always tell when you lie to him when he asks if you floss because if youre not a habitual flosser, your gums wont bleed when the dentist flosses you (see, if you only floss once in a while, your gums bleed. thats a little insider secret from me to you.).

clipping toe and/or finger nails **

dont like it. its too hard sometimes trying to get the natural curveature of said toes. some people dont fuss with it, some do. but you gotta keep em trim so you dont end up looking all backwoodsy (not that thats necessarily a bad thing, but a good thing CAN be taken too far).

shaving **********

i like shaving because it makes me feel like a man. not that i really have all that much to shave, but you know the deal. take off 12 stars for you if youre a guy and you shave your legs and/or arms. unless you are a competetive olympic calibur swimmer, or a girl, you should never shave your legs and/or arms.

maintaining proper bowel function **

this one pretty much takes care if itself if you play your cards right. otherwise, you will enter a world of hurt, donnie. nothing ruins a good day than having to do something about that brick 'o poop trying to work its way through your plumming. try to think preventatively when dealing with maintaining proper bowel function.

cleaning your eyes out in the morning *

getting that yellow crap out of your eyes in the morning just hurts. one star.