Brad's reviews

some things in life we have no control over. especially our bodies.

body hair **

body hair is just not cool (sorry italians). hair on your body is cool only if its on your head and face. minus one star if your body hair is not symmetrical. (i actually wish i had some sort of body hair somewhere on my body, but since i dont, i'll act like i dont want any and give body hair a bad review).

dyslexai - dysleixa - dyslexia *****

this is cool because you can mix up numbers and be like, "sorry sir, i would have been there sooner but i wrote down your number wrong. sorry - you see, sir, im dyslexic." as soon as you repeat the latter sentence youre off the hook.

zits that are not on your face *

basically zits that go below the chin are no good at all. and its been my experience that the lower on your body they are harvesting, the bigger and more painful they become.

alopecia ***

this is when you loose hair on your head (never your unwanted body hair) due to stress. i knew this kid once who had this disorder, and whenever he would flip out, he would have these bald patches on his head by the end of the week.

a.d.d. ******

a.d.d. is cool because you are pretty much smarter than everyone else, and you get to take meds.

halitosis *

i find it funny that one of the most socially disgusting symptoms of all time gets a higher rating than the greek system (see previous reviews). halitosis is when your breath basically smells like a sick cat peed on a burning pile of dog vomit and you ate it. still better than being greek.

warts *

eww. still more star(s) than the greek system, though.

tourettes **********

deep down, we all wish we had tourettes. this syndrome is best documented in the oscar-calibur movie, "deuce bigolo male gigolo". tourettes keeps you on your toes because you never know what's coming out next. will it be profanity? a stab at your mother? a violent twitch? see - you never know.