an interview with Neal Pollack

While Hobart has a modest following in the United States, we are huge in Austria. The immense popularity, coupled with the generosity from a number of Austrian entrepeneurs, has given Hobart the opportunity to fly Neal Pollack out to the west coast. The following interview was conducted over a number of drinks in one of L.A.'s most exclusive country clubs.

First off, how is Toph? (Aaron smirks at his own wit. A perfect way to start the interview) No, seriously outside of your many Book Awards, not excluding the Rigoberta Menchu, you are most widely known through McSweeney's. How did that connection happen?

I met Dave Eggers in 1990, through Marny Requa, who was a friend of his in high school. She and I went to Northwestern together, and he went to the University of Illinois. He came up to our campus to see a Kurt Vonnegut lecture, and we said hello there. Many years later, he sent out an email saying he needed contributors to a new magazine, and someone forwarded it to me, and I happened to have a bunch of unpublished stuff laying around, and he published it, and from there, my fabulous career was launched.

Obviously, you are the greatest living American writer, but who do you see as your contemporaries? Which emerging writer's do you consider possible usurper's of your throne?

If I were to answer this question ironically, I would say, "no one can challenge me, for my perceptive eye captures all and anticipates all competition." But since I am not ironic, except perhaps in my book, I would say that my contemporaries include Dave Eggers, Zadie Smith, Sarah Vowell, Arthur Bradford, Matthew Klam, and many other writers in their 20s and 30s, and 40s, even (especially the work of Hobart. Particularly, Aaron's essay on writing helped me and many others reach a deeper understanding in the art of writing). I consider myself very fortunate to be grouped with writers who, two years ago, I was reading and worshipping from afar. It just goes to show that anyone can break through. If I can write a book, anyone can.

Being the foremost chronicler of the African-American experience, have you considered following the recent trend of hip hop artists in designing your own line of fashion gear? If so, can we expect a Pollack-Kids line of clothing? What about the elderly? (Aaron and Mike smile at their own creativity.)

(Neal lets out an exasperated sigh of dissaproval.) Nah.

Going back to your hook-up with McSweeney's, have you been writing these satirical stories, looking for a forum for 'em?

I started writing these stories in 1997, for no real particular reason. At the time, I was participating in spoken-word nights in Chicago, at bars, coffeehouses, art galleries, and the like, and I needed fresh material every week. (Mike kicks back his third White Russian, scanning the room for attractive, wealthy women.) I never thought there would be a wide audience for them. There isn't, really, but there is at least a narrow audience. Of late, I've been publishing satire in the New York Press, which at least pays a little money. There's little periodical market for this stuff, which is why I'm writing books.

At what time of day do you like to write? Do you write at home, or always among the revolutionaries in southern Mexico?

I write in a little blue room by the stairs. Usually for a couple hours in the late morning, early afternoon, and then for a few more at night when I get home from the bars or when my TV programs have drawn to their inevitable conclusion.

Speaking of revolutionaries! (Mike and Aaron exchange high fives.) You have conducted extensive field work among revolutionary groups in Columbia and Mexico. How do you feel your accounts will influence the future of violent cultural conflict?

They won't. (Neal becomes visibily dissapointed in Mike and Aaron's interviewing capabilities. Another sigh.)

Your words have been described as American fists. Whom would you like to beat with them? Whom do you hate? Let your spite be known, and spare no fury!

Pass. (Frustrated, Neal shakes his head while Mike and Aaron continue their laughter.)

There seems to be a dual nature to your humor; hysterical on a basic, low-brow sense, but also in a biting satirical mockery of American writers. How do you accomplish the combination? Is it an intentional style?

I try, in every piece, to have at least one blow-job joke, at least one very arcane literary reference, and some political commentary. There's something for everyone!

Can we expect Neal Pollack to pursue an acting career to match his literary and rock accomplishments?

I'm not a very good actor. I am very good at playing myself, though.

Your book of poetry is coming up. Any word on when we can expect that. Do you plan on touring again? Anything in the works now?

I'm working on a novel. The poetry book, if it ever comes out, won't be accompanied by a tour, because I went broke the last time I paid for my own tour and I need to work my way out of the hole.

How exactly do you feel about Dinesh D'souza?

Not positively. Fortunately, no one really cares what he thinks anymore.

Do you, by any chance read The Boondocks comic-strip?

It isn't carried by my local paper. But I read it online sometimes and enjoy it. Shazam.

Thanks for coming out Neal. We appreciate the interview. (Neal leaves the bar shaking his head. Mike and Aaron signal the waiter for another round.)

(Parts of this interview were fabricated to hide the fact that Mike and Aaron do not really know how to conduct an interview and that this was merely a bunch of absurd questions emailed to Mr. Pollack)