NOVEMBER '04

Off Track
by David Gianatasio

In the Trunk
by Jay Wexler

Every Beautiful Thing
by Bonnie Ruberg

Vacation Planner
by Miriam M. Kotzin and
Bill Turner

Floating Inside
by Laurie Seidler

photo by Tanner Woodford

So, you catch me watching porn. And yeah, it was the hard stuff, rough and intense.

This is you: "I don't think I can be with someone who's into THAT kind of thing."

Yeah, but I'm real contrite, and I even invite you to watch.

So we watch. For hours. Until dawn. Tape after tape. Countless DVDs. Fast-foward, slow-mo, freeze-frame, different language tracks. The works.

We get, well, *inspired.* You decide you want to try some of the stuff spinning past your eyes. And we do. For days. Twice we don't show up for work. We invite over your friends. And mine.

*Inspired.*

And I'm thinking, we've never been so close. Spiritually. We've never been so free.

Yet here we stand. Today, I came home early and found you emptying out your closet, bags nearly packed --

Who's sneaking now? Who has something to hide?

You look tired and sad. Thoughtful ... in a bad way. Not free, just changed. Older, lost. You won't change your mind. Decision's final. You tell me it's the porn, and everything we've done since we watched that first tape.

"You like it," I say. "You need it. Just like me."

Before you walk out for good, you brush a strand of hair from your eyes -- a small, familiar gesture, one I'm going to miss -- and say: "That's something I never needed to know."