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April '04 |
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BASEBALL '04
"Nor can I remember this part, how all of a sudden we were still sitting in a stadium, still holding hands, still smiling, but now we were at Shea Stadium, watching a Mets game. I don’t know who they were playing, so don’t ask."
"“Damn it, Jukey! Stand still!” "Games were something my dad and I always had. He had played baseball when he was younger, I played football, so we would talk the sports, the players, watch games together on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, complaining about the perennial impotence of our chosen teams, lamenting blown calls, chastising poor coaching decisions, sometimes simply drifting to sleep beneath the weight of Vin Scully’s soothing voice."
"Last night, in anticipation of today, we watched “The Bad News Bears” and “The Bad News Bears Go to Japan,” because everything I know about baseball I learned from the movies. But I’m pretty sure all she learned from watching “The Bad News Bears” was how to curse, cause all day today she’s been doling out swears like a drunken sailor."
"That summer, Dolores led her township’s Little League all-star team through the county tournament, going two-for-three with two doubles, four RBIs, and two runs scored against the perennially unbeatable squad from Chambersburg, a team of mustached twelve year olds beaming insults at her."
"But Sandy is the one true mascot, the star here. Even when the fans do not know the names of the shortstop or even the pitcher, they know Sandy with his cheerful beak, his generous outspread wings, his Cyclones jersey – just like the players wear! – and his Cyclone leggings and his Cyclones hat. The hot dogs are cute-looking, but we are not one of a kind."
"It was perfect baseball weather. When we reached the stadium I thought we’d find our seats and wait until the game started, but after getting our tickets ripped and walking up the stairs to the concourse area, I followed my friend as he led me around the building. It was small and intimate, nothing like the big ballparks. “It’s about the family here,” he told me." "What a lovely evening. I always love the view from out here in right. Everything is all lit up. It’s a full moon, I think. Nice crowd, too. Glad coach put me in. I feel great. Ball one. Yep, quite a night for a game. Or for a stroll with a lover. Man, I wish I had a lover. It’s not fair, really. All the other guys have lovers."
"Of course, he isn’t a teenager anymore; he’s looking at the ugly side of his thirties, and in baseball, that means he might as well be a senior citizen. And when he had been a teenager, his hesher hair crammed under a bright green Edgar High School cap and Slayer ringing in his head, he was always more interested in starting fires than in putting them out. But even back then, he was a reliever, and that was what they called relievers: firemen."
"I chalk it up to the confusion of youth. I was coming off my first All-Star year and my batting average was through the roof. I ran the bases with confidence and sent a message to the world: Robin Ventura has arrived."
Brad returns, after a healthy hiatus, reviewing his own suggestions for ways to spruce up Hobart's favorite pastime.
BASEBALL '03
"After Babe left us, Steve said, 'Why didn't you ask him to hit a home run for you in tonight's game?'
"I am a baseball fanatic. What this means, in the most pragmatic sense, is that when I see real, live baseball players (especially first basemen for some odd reason) in a setting different from the playing field, I become a stalker and am often forcibly restrained by friends, civilians, and in one notable instance, Kato Kaelin..." "I bought a sweatshirt that was the exact same gray as the color of my uniform. I wore it under my jersey on particularly cold nights. Nobody else on the team matched nearly as well as I did. It was almost if some of them didn’t care that they were wearing blue or purple shirts under their uniforms. I still don’t get it."
"In 1975, on the day I was born, the Houston Astros beat the New York Mets, 6-2. If you’ll allow me, I would like to propose that the seemingly inconsequential victory of ‘Stros over Mets—of Cain over Abel, if you will—sparked something in the Houston Astros franchise."
"As I write, baseball season is only days away, and I'm so excited. Why? Because my life is empty without it.
If there is one thing (other than Vegas (reviewed last time)) Brad gets excited about, it is baseball. Not only does he still collect baseball cards, but they are all he asked for for Christmas. He was happy to review his favorite sport for us, and even tell us what teams we should like and who we shouldn't. Aaron coulda sworn he liked Sox of all colors, but what does he know? |
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